When Reality Sets In

For months now all the news seems to to be focused on one thing, the economy. While all the news is hard to ignore I haven't really felt any of the sting of the current crisis in my personal life. When you live is a big city with new construction going on all over and new businesses setting up shop in these new structures it can be hard to believe just how bad things really are. But than I turn on the TV or read the headlines and all of them say the same thing. Another bank going under, another business laying off thousands, and on and on. The future looks uncertain in so many way.

Before today the only person I knew personally to be effected by this economic down turn was my mom. She works as a florist part-time, just to have a little extra money for shopping and fun. The shop were she works has been struggling to bring in the kind of revenue they used to. After all, who buy flowers when funds for even the necessities are low? My mom's employer cut back her hours to make up for the down turn. Thankfully my dad has a well paying job that can support a comfortable life on its own so it hasn't been too detrimental.

Than this morning I got an email from a dear friend of mine that was laid off from her job last night. This is the first person that I have known to lose her job as a direct result of the economy. While she has a supportive family and her fiance has work to support them for the time being there is still a lot of fear about the future. She mentioned a job fair that she went to recently and a whopping 1200 people showed up for 125 job opening and that was only on day one of a two day fair. With so many others in the same place and more being laid off daily it is hard to find a word that best describes the challenge of finding work these days.

So today I feel a mix of emotions. I feel sorry for the struggle my friend now finds herself in (not to mention the millions of other Americans there with her). I feel thankful that I have a job that seems to be secure enough to last till the economy starts to climb again. I am a bit worried about what the future holds when all the sources seem to agree that we still haven't hit the bottom yet. I am hopeful that our new president has the vision, passion, and wisdom to lead us to better days. I am inspired to do what I can to help those that need it, after all ones luck could change at any moment in times like these and I would want others to be there for me.

So lets take care of each other. And we will make it through, hopefully better for it.

Up to the Mountain

I am still reveling in the joy of yesterday. A proud day for America. A day that marked the end of an old era and the beginning of a new. On January 20th, 2009 I watched through blurry, tear-filled eyes as Barak Hussein Obama was sworn in as the first African American President of the United States of America. It is hard to express the emotions of that moment. Hope and pride welling up inside. 2oo plus year of our country's history, full of moments that made it all possible, running through my mind. Obama's hand resting on Abraham Lincoln's bible. Millions gathered in Washington and billions more in front of TV's, computer screens and radios around the world experiencing history together. I don't know if I have ever seen my country so united.

It seemed so fitting, like God predestined it to be, that Obama would be sworn in on the day after the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr's life and legacy. Without MLK I am certain that this day would still be a long way off. While many had the words of King's "I have a Dream" speech ringing in their ears yesterday I was thinking of a different speech. Just one day before he was assassinated Martin Luther King Jr had this to say...

Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

For so many Americans the floodgates of possibilities opened up for them yesterday, because of the long line of men and women, including MLK and culminating with Barak Obama, who believed that America was truly the land where all men are created equal.

A favorite musician of mine, Patty Griffin, wrote a song in tribute to MLK and his "I've been to the mountaintop" speech. The melody has been playing through my head for last few days now. Black or white, we could all use this kind of faith that God can and will make good on his promises. As we journey ahead into uncertain times we need great hope that we can persevere. Both King and Obama said that there would be dark days ahead, but both men remind us that we will get to the other side. The question of if has now been shattered. The only question left is when.

"Up To The Mountain (MLK Song)"

I went up to the mountain because you asked me to
Up over the clouds to where the sky was blue
I could see all around me everywhere
I could see all around me everywhere

Sometimes I feel like I've never been nothing but tired
And I'll be walking till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down, no more can I do
But then I go on again because you ask me to

Some days I look down afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly You love me so

The peaceful valley just over the mountain
The peaceful valley, few come to know
I may never get there ever in this lifetime
But sooner or later it's there I will go
Sooner or later it's there I will go

Thinking of Hawaii

It is a lazy Friday with the luxury of time for day dreaming. And that usually means I am thinking about Hawaii, wondering what my life could be like there. I think I mentioned before that the biggest concern in leaving Seattle is finding the same kind of community and friendships that I have known here. I feel lucky to already have a few friends there (plus the possibilty of adding to that number on my upcoming trip in only 43 days). But still I don't want to cling to those few people for community. I have started looking into ways to get involved in the community and meet people once I am kama`aina (that's means resident in Hawaiian).

I have recently signed on to start volunteering with Habitat for Humanity here in Seattle and plan to continue with that in Hawaii at the Honolulu chapter. I have also looked at getting involved with the Surfrider Foundation. They have beach clean up days and other events. It seems fitting to really do what I can to be a good steward of the ocean since I know it will be the source of so much of my fun and adventure on Oahu. Another amazing organization I found is Spirit Sessions. It's a surfing outreach program for at-risk youth. I will need to brush up on my surfing skills a bit before jumping in there but it sounds like a really amazing program. I have also started searching for churches in the Honolulu area. I will be there one Sunday in March so maybe I'll be able to visit one.

All of these things get me excited about the possibilities of a new life in Hawaii. The one time in my life that I made a major move across statelines was for school. While it was still a little scary and mysterious so many things that I needed were built in. A purpose and community all part of the package. But now I am planning a move with no real aim except to start a new life, start fresh. I am not moving for a job or a relationship. I guess, simply put, I am moving because I can. For a while now I have been hearing God speak the same words over and over again. "Stop waiting for the life you want and start living the life you have." I sometimes I find myself a bit ashamed of my life. Not because of things I do, but all the things I don't. I want to take advantage of all the blessing of being where I am in my life. I don't want to miss an opportunity to grow and become more complete. I don't want to pass up an open door in the hopes that something better will come along. And Hawaii seems to be the open door right now.

A Good Word and An Honest Response

This past Sunday, at Bethany Community Church, Richard had a very good word for us all. As the first Sunday of a new year it was a look at establishing some new ways. Richard talked about 3 different areas to cultivate in our spiritual lives; the way we steward our relationship with the Holy Spirit, the way we steward the talents God has given us, and the way we steward the "least of these" around us. As I have spent some time pondering these things the last few days I find myself struggling a bit at how to take these lessons and live them.

I have always struggled with the first point, my relationship with the Holy Spirit. I am hopelessly human and therefore I cling to tangible things. It is hard to devote myself to a thing I cannot see or touch or hear in a physical way. I know that prayer and communion with God is a thing I need desperately. And I have tasted the amazing fruits that can come from spending time there. But the fruit comes only through keeping present with God through it all, including the silent waiting. Spending time with God is not like spending time with a friend in the physical world. There are no hugs, no nods of agreement. Well maybe there are. Maybe He nods in the movement of the trees in the wind and hugs us with the warm colors of a sunset. I need to keep mindful that God's ways are not like ours and learn better how to experience the ways that he does respond. I need to learn the discipline of prayer and silence.

I struggle too, though perhaps a little less, with the issue of my talents. Any success I have had with talents has come because of their tangibility. These are the things I can do, make and say. My talents take physical shape. But then there is the question...what are my talents? What are the unique gifts that God has placed on me so that I may be a gift to the world? There are some areas that I have discovered my talents and shared them without fear or hesitation. Hospitality would one talent I am happy to invest. Then there are other areas that have all the signs of a talent, yet I am terrified to place them out in the light for all too see and judge. My music has always been a source of private comfort, but public terror. Perhaps because it is a more vulnerable expression of my inmost self and the thought of not being good enough in the eyes of another cuts deep. I need to learn to let go of the fear and share freely the gifts that have been given to me so freely.

And lastly the way I interact with the world around me, the world in need. More and more the needs grow. More and more my heart softens to the plight of those less fortunate, of whom the number is too great. But still my actions are severely deficient in comparison to my capabilities. Living in an urban setting there is no shortage of people in need that cross my path each day. So often I walk around with my eyes fixed on the ground and my mind fixed inwardly on my own wants and needs that I miss the opportunities that abound. There are simple things that I can do that don't require a huge shift in the way I live. To keep a few granola bars in my car to give to the homeless at the intersection on the way home from work. To help someone struggling with a heavy load by carrying a bag or two. I need to learn to look out into the world, away from myself, and see the needs of others and do what I can to meet them.

While it is good to think about such things it is my hope that as I journey ahead that these thoughts will make way into action. And that those actions will be a blessing to God and to the world!

The Beginning of a Year of Change

It is January again! 2009! I can hardly believe that another fresh, new year is upon us. They seem to pass so quickly. And as I get used to the act of writing 09 in the date I have been thinking about how I want to spend this year. It looks as if it will be a year of great change in my life. I have been contemplating a move to Hawaii in the fall, after over 8 years in Seattle. There have been many things to confirm that this is the path that I should go down and with that in mind there are so many things that come to mind of things I need to do if I am to make that huge leap of faith.

I could bore you with my list of to-do's. Buy less/save more, work on resume, sell/donate unnecessary belongs, etc. But those are just the things that will make the logistics of this huge change/move more managable. What about the feelings that come to the surface? There are more than just clothes, books and kitchen gadgets to sort through. Seattle has been my home for close to a decade now. The friends that I have made here have become my family. I have put down significant roots in this town and it may be hard to uproot them. But in spite of any heartache there is also great excitement and joy at the possibilities that lay ahead. Something tells me there will be many more posts on this topic this year.

So Happy New Year friends! I am hopeful that it will be rich year for us all.

A Tree Full of Memories

One of my favorite things about Christmas is the tree. Ever since I was a little girl I would get so excited to get our tree in the house and set about the task of draping it's branches full of ornaments. As a child it was a family event. We would put on the John Denver or Amy Grant Christmas albums to get us in the spirit. My dad would bring out the boxes of ornament from the garage and my mom would pass out the ornaments to my sister and I to hang them on the tree. There were also certain rules to decorating our tree, my favorite being, all flying things (i.e. angels, Santa's on rocket ships, etc.) were to be hung at the top of the tree. Each year our tree would grow in fullness as we acquired new ornaments. Nowadays, the tree in my parents house is so full that hardly any branches are visible through the thick layer of memories.

And today my excitement over decorating the tree is no different. Last year my mom finally brought herself to part with my collection of ornaments and sent them to me to decorate my own tree in Seattle. My mom took such care to write on each box when and how each ornament came to be mine so that I would always know the stories, no matter how many years pass. Some were gifts from family or friends, others were purchased to commemorate special events of the year, some bought, some made, but each one tells a story. As I sit and look upon my tree each evening I am reminded of what a great life I have lived and the wonderful people who have loved me throughout. So as you decorate and enjoy your Christmas trees this year may you also feel the blessings of a life well lived.

In Spite of it all...Rejoice!

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted any "offerings," about 9 months to be exact. I am not entirely sure why I let the blog fall to the wayside. Perhaps a lack of feeling inspired, the busyness of life, or some other reason whose name escapes me. But lately there has been a lot of thoughts marinating in my mind and I am beginning to feel a longing to get those thoughts out in the world to see what could come of them.

There is something about the advent season that always seems to get me in a more contemplative mood. Reflecting on the mysteries of the season. Looking back on the wondrous unfolding of the past year and pondering how the next will play out. Reminiscing over all the memories of Christmases past. The lengthening nights lend themselves well to all of this pondering.

Then there is the current state of the world. An economic crisis that seems to grow more and more with each passing day. An entire continent ravaged by poverty and disease (my heart aches for the people of Zimbabwe in particular today). The earth groaning with pain from generations of neglect and misuse. Growing threats of war and terror.

It is a strange mix of blessing and sadness that fills my heart. So much going on that should rightly unsettle us, yet very aware that there is so much to feel blessed and lucky for. I feel hopeful in spite of so much. But I guess that shouldn't seem so strange to me. After all this is the season of hope and love and joy.

My dear sage, Madeleine L'Engle, probably was dealing with similar thoughts when she wrote her poem "First Coming." She put it this way...

God did not wait till the world was ready,
till...the nations were at peace.
God came when the heavens were unsteady,
and prisoners cried out for release.
God did not wait for the perfect time.
God came when the need was deep and great.
God dined with sinners in all their grime,
turned water into wine.
God did not wait Till hearts were pure.
In joy God came to a tarnished world of sin and doubt.
To a world like ours of anguished shame
God came, and god's light would not go out.
God came to a world which did not mesh,
to heal its tangles, shield its scorn.
In the mystery of Word made Flesh
the Maker of the stars was born.
We cannot wait til the world is sane
to raise our songs with joyful voice,
for to share our grief, to touch our pain,
God came with Love: Rejoice! Rejoice!

Hawaii Part Two - You Can't Keep Me Out of the Water

Our second full day in Hawaii Started with the most glorious sunrise. I think most things are more glorious in Hawaii. With the time change and early pick ups for most of our adventures I got to see the sunrise most mornings. And because it tended to be cloudier to the east the sunrises were much more spectacular than the sunsets.

It was Saturday and we had made reservations to Kayak in Kailua Bay on the eastern shore of Oahu. Kailua Beach is one of Hawaii's top rated beaches and a great destination for kayaking, wind surfing and kite boarding. After the van ride over the mountains and through the lush jungles we arrived at the Kayak place. We had a guide that was going to take us to explore some of the small islands out in the bay. We looked at the map of where we were going, grabbed our Kayaks and headed to the beach.

Now I wouldn't say that I am a novice kayaker, nor would I say I am an expert. I think living in the northwest one has a lot of opportunities to get out on the water in a kayak. And while almost all on my kayaking experiences have been on salt water this experience was very different. I am used to coves and harbors protected from the elements with nice calm water, but in Hawaii it was wild seas in comparison. On Oahu the east side of the island in most commonly referred to at the windward side, which means lots ans lots of wind. Our guide told us that the hardest part of the journey would be the way out as we would be paddling directly into the wind and gave us some tips to help make it a little easier. I was confident in my skills though so I wasn't to worried about it.

Our guide told us that the are was notorious for Green Sea turtles and to keep a look out. So of course I thought every dark spot under the water was a sea turtle. I don't think I actually did but my parents did see a couple. On the way out to our first stop at Popo‘i‘a (Flat Island) I was doing pretty good at keeping up with the group despite the fact that I was in a single kayak and everyone else were in tandems. See, in a single if you are going into the wind and you stop paddling you go backwards. So there was no resting for me. I came in second to last so I was pretty pleased with myself having expected to be last. We stopped and explored the little island which once was a place of sacrifice for the ancient Hawaiians to insure good fishing, but has since become a bird sanctuary. There were several groups of birds just nesting on the group right in the open. And we saw a dead eel that somehow made his way up onto the rocky island. It was nice, too, to take a break from paddling and have a little snack to refuel.

Once we were sufficiently rested we hopped back into our kayaks and headed back to shore bu this time to a beach further south from where we originally put it. This stretch of the trip seemed a little harder than the first as my muscles were getting tired but I pushed through. We landed on a more secluded beach with the softest, whitest sand. We all just enjoyed swimming in the ocean. The water there was much more clear and blue than at Waikiki. then with the little islands out in the bay it was so picturesque. Just past the sand were houses and I decided that if I ever move to Hawaii that I would live there so I could enjoy that view everyday. After writing silly messages in the sand and playing on the beach for a while it was time pack up the kayaks and head back to the place we started from.

Our guide said the rest of the way should be much easier since we would be traveling in the same direction at the wind. But for some reason I felt like I was struggling pretty badly to keep a straight course. For some reason my kayak was pulling to the right which seemed impossible since the wind and water both were pushing left. I was having to paddle almost entirely on the right side of the kayak just to go in a relatively straight life. I thought maybe if I tried to shift my weight around I could find a position that would help me keep a straight course. But I forgot I was in the ocean and that there are waves in the ocean. As I was shifting left a wave came from my right a slowly flipped me out for a swim. The guide was probably about 100+ yards ahead of me so one of the other boats that witnessed the spill called for help. I managed to flip my kayak back to right side up and lucky our guide pulled up just in time to help me climb back in. I said something witty like, "I was just getting hot and thought I would go for a swim." He laughed and told me that this particular spot was notorious for dumping people out of their kayaks.

I finally pulled into shore and joined the rest of my group after my adventures on the high seas. After rinsing off all the salt water and devouring a couple of huge slices of pizza we went back to the beach to lay in the sun and watch the windsurfers and kite boarders fly across the water and through the sky.

Despite the workout and the embarrassing spill it was a great day in one of the most beautiful and peaceful spot I have ever been to.

My Hawaiian Adventure - Part One "Transitioning to Island Life"

We all go through life looking for so many things that sometimes one becomes completely and utterly overwhelmed by all the looking. We are always on the hunt for the fulfillment of so many hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations that we forget to slow down, rest and enjoy the place in which we find ourselves. This has been my life of late. With big life changes just on the horizon, not to mention the everyday stresses, I have been just a smidge overwhelmed (okay, maybe more than a smidge). My trip to Hawaii could not have come at a better time. I needed badly to step outside my life and get a little perspective.

Since I had never been to Hawaii I had the stereotypical picture in my head of Palm Trees swaying in the warm breeze and pristine beaches with crystal clear water. I was expecting to find the perfection of Paradise the moment I stepped on the plane. And I will admit I was a little disappointed upon my arrival. Perhaps I was just tired from the long flight over and not to happy about the 4 hour wait at the airport for my parents flight to arrive but whatever the reason I was feeling disappointed. What had I expected...to walk out the plane onto one off those beaches I had been dreaming about? But luckily the Honolulu airport is open air with lots of places to sit and wait with Palm trees and other tropical vegetation to admire. Plus having just come from Seattle at a crisp 43 degrees I was somewhat content to just sit outside in the warm 80 degree Hawaiian air.

Soon enough my parents plane arrived, we had all our bags, and the keys to our rental car in hand. Let's just say that I was very ready to leave the Honolulu International Airport. Although my disappointment still clung as we made our way to the condo as the drive from the airport with through the heart of industrial Honolulu then towering hotels and resorts in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic. By the time got checked into the condo, unloaded, and freshened up the sun had set on our first day in Paradise. We still walked the two blocks to the beach to find dinner and sit on the beach although these wasn't much to see in the dark.

The next morning there was a free breakfast that came with my parent vacation package. Basically they tell you all about the different activities and tours you can do on the island and help you book everything. After being bombarded by information you have to decide how you will spend your brief visit. I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the decisions and frustrated that my time in paradise felt like it was being wasted inside when were I really wanted to be was the beach. So after a couple of hours and a $1000 worth of activities booked we emerged. Then we took the shuttle back to our condo to get changed into bathing suits and grab all we would need to park ourselves on a little patch of sand on Waikiki Beach for the rest of the day.

After only a few minutes of laying in the sun with my toes in the sand I thought to myself, "Ah, Now this is Hawaii." From that moment on I found the Hawaii of my dreams. The water was the warmest ocean I have ever swam in. Although the crowds were big everyone is so friendly and relaxed. It is easy to just "Hang Loose." It is hard to describe how great you feel so quickly on that Island. Perhaps the warm sun just melts away any worry or woe that you arrive with. Peace and rest seemed to abound everywhere.

Enjoying some Hawaiian Shaved Ice on Waikiki Beach

The view from our spot on the beach

Me and Mom at the Duke Kahanamoku StatueI loved the Banyan trees. They are like no other tree I have seen.

More Tales of Hawaii coming soon!

It seems now only a distant memory

I have been home for one week since my incredible trip to Hawaii. It seems that the realities of life and work and the status quo have worked together to make my vacation seem like a dream. I don't have the time to reflect on my trip as thoroughly as I would like right now. But I just thought I would post a little something for the time being.

Let me just say that if a rest from the hustle and bustle of everyday life is what you need than hawaii is the place to find it.

Future Plans

I have been intending to write about this for sometime. In fact, I have started writing numerous posts over the last several months but seem to hit a wall a few sentences in and give up. But tomorrow I am taking a step toward my future plans and feel compelled to share.

I have been researching and toying with the idea of becoming a chef for quite sometime now. After spending the last 5 years of my life working in an office environment, shackled to a computer for 8 hours a day I have come to realize this is not they way I want to spend my days. I am a creative being and I need to be able to spend my days making something tangible, beautiful with my own two hands.

Cooking has always been something that I love and one of my favorite creative outlets. It combines my two passions really, creativity and community. While I am able to express myself in the mixing and presentation of flavors, I am also able to bring people together to slow down and enjoy the moment. Also food is what nourishes our bodies and fuels us to live our lives. And I even think good food can often nourish our souls. What a powerful blessing that food can be?

So tomorrow I will be going to an informational meeting at South Seattle Community College to learn more about their culinary arts program. From the research I have done so far SSCC is my top choice and seems to have some of the highest credentials among Seattle culinary institutes. I am excited to hear more and see what their facilities and faculty have to offer. The thought of setting foot inside a real professional kitchen for the first time is making me giddy with anticipation.

But I am anxious too. I feel in some ways that I am standing on a cliff. Behind me a familiar and safe life, before me a panorama of beautiful possibilities. So pray for me as I get ready for the biggest leap of my life thus far.

Hawaii or Bust

I am pleased to report that this morning I just purchased a ticket for my 1st trip to Hawaii! I am extremely excited, especially after just taking a little walk out in the fridgid Seattle cold. I will be meeting my parents there for a little family vacation. Something that we haven't done in a decade at least. At the end of March we will make our way to the Island of Oahu. We have a condo reserved on Waikiki and the thing I am most looking forward to (besides being warm) is swimming with the dolphins. So check back in early April to see how my trip to Paradise measures up.

As One Chapter Closes

Last night was the end of an era. At 6:45 a group of us gathered together for the last church service to be held to the little sanctuary that has been the home of Bethany Community Church for the last 50 years or so. It was a bittersweet time for me. Although it is just a building it has been an important building in my life and I have had many life shaping moments within those walls.

I remember the first moment that I entered that space nearly 8 years ago. I had just moved to Seattle and was looking for a place to belong and feel at home. I had gone to a few other churches before I discovered Bethany and left each visit feeling like I had just tried on some illfitting garment. I was skeptical as I approached Bethany for the first time. First off, the service I went to was at night. This felt strange to me having spend my previous years in the church attending only morning services. But this little building glowed with the warmth of soft candle light which felt like an invitation to let down my guard and rest here awhile. The building was full of new faces but all somehow felt familiar to me. Everyone seemed to have come just as they were, with little fuss or pretense. Before even a song was sung or a word preached I felt at home, more so than ever before in the walls of a church.

Since that first Sunday that church, both the place and the people, has been a huge part of my story. How different my life would look with out that little building at 80th and Stone near Greenlake? I am thankful as I look back and hopeful that God will continue to pour out His faithfulness on our community.

A most special Present

I have been pining away for ages for a Kitchen Aid Mixer. But they are so expensive that I never felt totally compelled to make the grand purchase. But this year my grandma gave me a very generous check for Christmas and with my culinary aspirations I decided it was time to splurge and get the mixer.

So here she is! Somewhere between Illinois and here is a UPS truck with my mixer riding in back. The estimated arrival date is January 14th, so I am already planning all the yummy treats I will make. I'll try and take a few picture of the inaugural run once she arrives.

What if we never see him again?

Some Friendships are forged over time and through some shared experiences. But every now and then a friendship forms in the blink of an eye.

This morning I had the pleasure of riding the bus with a few small boys who made the journey all the better with their wonder and excitment. Two young boys (I would say around ages 4 & 6) got on the bus with their dad a few stop after I got on. They had a back pack full of toys and books to keep them occupied. My heart was delighted when they chose to read Dr Suess's Sleep Book (a favorite of mine as a child, read to me so much that I can still quote a vast majority of the book to this day). But a few pages in and a few stops later another young rider, another boy about age 6, got on with his mother.

The bus was quite full so the father and sons squeezed together to make room for the other young boy. And the 3 boys began to talk and play. The brothers shared their toys most graciously with their new friend and I was grining at the silly conversation the 3 were having.

One stop before mine the boy and his mother exited the bus. The younger brother instantly turned to his dad and brother and most sincerly asked, "what if we never see him again?" And then it was my turn to exit.

On the eve of this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the tender hearts of children and the beautiful way that they see the world.

For the Autumn Trees

By Me

As your green disguise fades fast away
And true colors, orange and red appear
You fold your leaves as if to pray

The blue, bright sky has turned to gray
The heavy clouds release their rain
And the chill sends the faint of heart away

Like that nightly ritual
Of bath and prayer and bed
The earth is getting ready
To rest her weary head

Work has been on my mind a lot these days. The current busyness and stress of work has been paving the way to thoughts on what the future holds. I am convinced that any attempt I make of trying articulate my thoughts at this present time will only come across as jibberish. But I would say the vast majority of my thoughts are related to my dissatisfaction with my current work and the struggle to figure out how to make a change that will bring that longed for satisfaction. I stumbled upon this quote in my search for inspiration and I wanted to share it since it articulates the thoughts that I have been having.

Rainer Maria Rilke says...

Ah, this longing to be able to begin, and always all of these blocked paths. How will it be with my work? Every morning I get up for the useless and anxious waiting, and go to sleep disappointed, disoriented, and overcome with my inability. Ah, if I had a manual craft, a daily task, something closer...instead of this waiting for faraway things.

So I am making attempts at starting some of those "manual crafts" and "daily tasks" that can help me make some small movement toward the fulfillment of my dreams. I had a few great conversations with friends this weekend that sent me on some good leads for networking and business ideas. Lauren, an MBA candidate, was pouring out all of her expertise and helped give me some great practical steps that I could take to peruse and pursue my culinary dreams. Another friend, Jason, told me about at company that is doing something along the lines of one of my ideas. So I am hoping to explore what Culinary Communion has to offer.

Sorry if my thoughts seem a little scattered today. I'll write more on the topic very soon.

Breathe

Sometimes I forget. That simple act of letting out the breath that I take in. It is Monday morning and as I frantically sort through emails, phone messages and papers piled high around me a voice breaks through. "...breathe...don't forget to breathe." I turned the music on to help calm my frantic pace, background noise to help me set the rythm for my work. Somehow all the other words have just been notes and melodies that pass over me. But these words "...don't forget to breathe." these are the words that I hear, that I need to hear.

The song "breathe" by Alexi Murdoch

Stars and Remembering

My favorite author passed away this past Thursday. Madeleine L'Engle lived 88 years and authored some of the most beautiful words, both poetry and prose, that I have had the pleasure of reading. Through reading so much of her work, her heart, I feel a sense of connection to her life. I have quoted her words so many times on this little blog that it only seems right to pay her tribute here. While she no longer dwells among us her words and stories will be forever left behind to inspire and challenge those who read them.

I thought of Madeleine this weekend as I got out of town for a camping trip. On Saturday night a group of us stood on the banks of the Wenatchee River and looked at the canopy of a million stars above us. Earlier this summer I read "Many Waters" by L'Engle in which stars play a large roll. The stars are constantly singing out truth, according to L'Engle, singing over us. If only we could learn to stop and listen, to re-learn the ancient language in which they speak.

Reading "Many Waters" and contemplating the wisdom of the stars inspired me to write my own song about the story. So I will share it here is my tribute to Madeleine L'Engle's life and the truth that she has helped me to see.

Why We Are Here by Bree Aseltine

I went out walking in the wilderness
And the stars were chiming over head
The were speaking in an old unfamiliar language
But still I knew every word

Some how I ended up in some else's stories
Wandering in the desert, far from home
And as the strange in this foreign land
I had to learn to change my hard, hard heart

To believe in the impossible, that is why we are here
To know love that cannot be quenched, that is why we are here

When I looked up out of my own despair
Looking up into the clear night sky
I heard the stars singing over us
fear not sweet child and wait patiently

Thank you, Madeleine, and rest in peace.

For Love of the Game

Last night I experienced another first in my life. My first time attending a Pro Football game. The Seattle Seahawks vs. the Oakland Raiders. A pre-season game that serves no other purpose than to get fans and players a like riled up for the season ahead.

Maren's uncle was out of town so his 4 season ticket on the club level were us for grabs. So Maren, Braden, Brian and I gladly volunteered to fill the seat so that our Hawks would not feel abandoned.

Football fans are a fun bunch of people to observe. I was even inspired to join them by dawning a Seahawks hardhat. The announcers at the game informed us that the Seahawks have the loudest fans in the NFL. And I believe them. I have never heard anything like the sound of a packed stadium cheering in unison like that.

Braden was gracious enough to spend sometime at the beginning of the game explaining some of the nuances of the game to me so that I could better appreciate the game. And Football, it turns out, is quite a complicated game. I still have much to learn but I definitely have a new found appreciation and enjoyment of the game after having experienced it first hand.

The kick off!

Brian, Braden, Maren, and Me

Oh yes, I almost forgot to mention. The Seahawks made us proud and won the game. Quite the first Pro game experience if I do say so myself.