One Snowy Moment

Not long ago the rain that has been falling in Seattle this morning turned into big fluffy snowflakes. The snow only lasted a moment but it was enough to fill my heart with delight. I love the gifts that God gives us if only we take the time to lift our eyes and gaze out the window.

In the past week or so all of the trees here are starting to grow tiny buds that will soon unfold to reveal vibrant flowers and springtime green. I love to watch the slow transformation from winter to spring time. Each day there is something new to see and enjoy.

Reunited...And it feels so good!

This weekend was the wedding of my friend Janelle. I met Janelle when I lived in the dorms at SPU. So this weekend was a great reunion of many of my favorite old roommates/floor mates from SPU. Jessica came the farthest, traveling from NYC. Melissa traveled from Colorado. While Julia, Amber, Joy and myself made the drive down to Tacoma for the festivities.

It is rare indeed that I get to spend time with all these friends at once so the weekend was a real treat. Amber and Fred were gracious enough to let us invade their home for the weekend so we could maximize our time of being all in the same state. We had a lot of laughs. We did some catching up. And of course, we reminisced about all our old shenanigans. I love these friends so much and I am thankful for the chance to gather.

Here are just a few of the pictures from the wedding.

Joy, Melissa, Jessica, Me and Julia

Melissa and Jessica taking advantage of the open bar

The Usual Suspects
We caused a lot of mischief in our Second Hill days

Amber planting a big one on Fred (theirs was the last 2nd Hill wedding)

Ruben and Joy were the first in our group of friends to take the plunge.

It is official, I have scheduled a vacation

After months of longing to take a trip somewhere I finally got a plane ticket. In April I will be off to Chicago to visit my dear friend Amanda, her husband Koji and their dog Penny (who is a new addition to the family since my last visit). It will just be for a long weekend but I am so excited. We talked on the phone last night to brain storm ideas for activities and I can't wait.

This picture is from my last visit. I treated Amanda and Koji to a Cubs game for being such great hosts. I think we may try to go to another Cubs game since my visit will coinside with the start of Baseball season. We also discussed a trip to the Shedd Aquarium. Amanda tells me it is like an indoor Sea World.

But mostly I am just looking forward to the time we will share just talking and catching up on life. I have known Amanda longer than any other friend I have. We have many stories in our 15 year history. This friend has been by my side for many important milesotnes in my life. As I see where I am now in life I think I owe much credit to my dear friend. After all I would never have known that SPU existed or fallen in love with Seattle if it weren't for Amanda. It is amazing how the presence of one person in your life can have such a strong impact. I am blessed by this friendship and excited to add some new stories to our history in April.

The Ache of Things Longed For

In the last month or so many friends have been revealing happy new developments in life. This Saturday I was part of a surprise engagement party for my friends Suzie and Jeremy (Jeremy proposed earlier in the evening and surprised Suzie with a celebration with our friends). My friend, Sandra, from SPU days recently shared the news that she is now engaged. My dear friend Kristen recently announced that she is pregnant, while my friend Nicole is getting ready to welcome her new baby girl into the world next month. Then this coming Saturday I will be attending the wedding of another college friend Janelle. And then at the end of March my dear friends Audrey and Dan will be tying the knot too.

While I am overjoyed by the happiness so many friends are finding these days I can't help but feel an ache in my own heart. Marriage, starting a family...these are things that I so long to have some day in my life. Over the past several years, as I have really started growing into my adult skin, I realize more and more that these longings are woven deep in the fabric of who I am. How strange it is that God should allow us to long so deeply for things that seem so out of reach.

More often than not I feel content to live the life that I have been given and to find joy in the current state of things. But every now and then that little ache in my heart acts up. I begin to wonder when it will be my turn to see my longings fulfilled. While it can be easy to give in and let that ache grow and overcome me I wish instead to find hope in it. I want that ache to push be to recognize that our lives are ever unfolding, always changing. I want to look back and see the proof of longings fulfilled in my life and know that the pattern will continue on.

Remember You Are Chosen

Two times in my life I have had the most beautiful gift of a butterfly resting from its flight on my body. The first encounter came when I was maybe 6 years old and carving a pumpkin in the front yard for Halloween. A beautiful monarch butterfly landed on my shoulder and sat with me awhile. As a child it was magical to know that this butterfly had chosen me for a perch to rest upon. In a garden full of beautiful plants and flowers this butterfly chose me.

The second butterfly descended on me as I walked through a butterfly garden about 4 years ago. I rested my hand on the railing of a bridge and a delicate yellow and black butterfly landed on my hand. I could feel the tickle of it's almost weightless body. I marveled at the sensation and the sight. I didn't want to move for fear of scaring off my new friend. I felt the same magic that I had as a 6 year old, the joy of being chosen.

But lately the magic has been forgotten and I have felt anything but chosen. Forgotten and overlooked are much better descriptions for my current state. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself in all the hurt and disappointment that comes with being in relationship with other human beings (who are equally flawed as myself). Then in the midst of all that self pity I remembered these encounters with the butterflies. I remembered that I was chosen, and not just once. I must take these memories and move forward with a hopeful heart that I will be chosen again.

Learning to Love...

To Have Without Holding
by Marge Piercy

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.

It hurts to love wide open
stretching the muscles that feel
as if they are made of wet plaster,
then of blunt knives, then
of sharp knives.

It hurts to thwart the reflexes
of grab, of clutch; to love and let
go again and again. It pesters to remember
the lover who is not in the bed,
to hold back what is owed to the work
that gutters like a candle in a cave
without air, to love consciously,
conscientiously, concretely, constructively.

I can't do it, you say it's killing
me, but you thrive, you glow
on the street like a neon raspberry,
You float and sail, a helium balloon
bright bachelor's button blue and bobbing
on the cold and hot winds of our breath,
as we make and unmake in passionate
diastole and systole the rhythm
of our unbound bonding, to have
and not to hold, to love
with minimized malice, hunger
and anger moment by moment balanced.

The Hope of Things to Come

Since the start of the new year I have been filled with a hopefulness that had been missing in the last few months of 2006. I was talking to my dear friend Melanie about the strange sensation of joy returning to my heart and she smiled and said it was because hope has returned.

The past few days of sunshine have reminded me of the hopefulness in waiting for the spring. I know that soon the temperature will be warming, trees will return to their leafy grandeur and tiny blossoms of color will push through the soil. I think that this is a beautiful metaphor for the seasons of life. While it is guaranteed that we will know seasons of lose and disappointment it is just as sure that we will push through those seasons to know hope and peace once again.

I am so thankful for the way that God uses nature to teach me His truth, remind me of His faithfulness. I still have so many questions about the future and the things that await me there, but for now I think I will just rest in the peace of a heart full of hope.